Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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