just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
