ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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