I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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