im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Found the puke drawer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
