hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
