He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
