I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
