and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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