PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
