this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
