hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
