I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
