he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
