So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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