Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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