he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
