She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
