dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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