So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
