So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
