I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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