No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
