6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
