um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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