Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize