Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
third nipple confirmed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
