I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
