How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
