i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
