I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
