So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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