He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
