imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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