she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?