this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.