I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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