so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?