Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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