You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information