i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
