...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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