dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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