so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
