He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
do nipples grow back?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
