Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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