maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
