NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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