the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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