weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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