Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
