I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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