I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize