he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
