I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
