In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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