I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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