brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
