It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
