...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
