haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
