I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
