You just made me feel so damn special
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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