this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
