the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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