do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
