we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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