I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
