he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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