I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
