I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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