Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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