and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
