why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
