Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
