the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
