You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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