Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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