turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
