I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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