Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
