i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
