We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
